This place feels like a nest but I am almost fully-fledged. A natural drive and energy are returning to me; a desire to take flight again. I feel my willpower, once the strongest thing I had, becoming more serious again.
Over the past two years I have been soft as a yolk. Floating, foetal, a snowflake, a petal. The fight in me died down to a simmer, low enough to form a pellicle.
My trusted door to willpower closed. As it vanished I entered a suspension. Lucent, nascent, lukewarm, back to the egg, back to the womb. Home to listen to the giant heartbeat of unprocessed grief.
I took a hiatus from martial arts. Let the rest of it slide as far as I dared. Replaced my cyclical train tracks with fresh dewy trails. Found healers to help me soothe the old wounds away. My tendons got longer and my bones got stronger. My love for myself and acceptance of others flourished too. Hypervigilance and perfectionism finally relented.
For the first time I became okay with letting the chips fall where they may. Pay the price, claim the rewards, shoulder the consequences. And from it all, through the places and faces, cool forgiveness emerged. From forgiveness a calmly glowing hope, lighting a new door, leading somewhere good.
15 December 2025, Let go to let go.
